I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
