I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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