Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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