I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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