she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
