you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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