hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
