I'll bet she douches with gravy.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
