Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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