so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
