i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
