I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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