sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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