i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
They took my balls.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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