Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
