If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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