Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
This is the high leading the old right now
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
