No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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