i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
