I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
