I cockslap morals
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
