I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
