I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
