If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
