he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
