We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He shit in the fireplace
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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