Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
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