he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
