Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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