Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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