Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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