The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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