so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
