That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
