Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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