Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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