I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
