and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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