I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
