she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
