if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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