Screwed.edu
Only a mothe r could love this liver
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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