He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
