Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
