I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
