I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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