So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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