They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
