this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
