Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
