his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
